Three Common Sense Approaches to Hot Weather

1) Stop talking about how hot it’s going to be today, or tomorrow, or next week, and start talking about how cool it’s going to be … you know, in the early morning or the late evening. Sure, on some days it gets a little warm in the afternoon, but that’s just normal! Who’s in charge down there anyway? Why is it that a few degrees over 100 keep getting all this attention? That kind of alarmism just plays into the hands of the climate crazies. Call your local TV station and demand that their meteorologists start talking up the cooler temperatures. Do it today!

2) These record daytime temperatures — 105, 112, 120 — are frankly un-American and we have to put a stop to them RIGHT NOW. In the first place, why are we still using the Fahrenheit scale? Who is this Mr. Fahrenheit anyway? Some guy from Europe, I’ll bet. We should have thermometers with our own All-American temperature scale. We could call it the ThermoPatriot scale, or better yet, the TrueThermal. Like, when it’s 120 out, say, our TrueThermal would automatically adjust it to read 25 degrees less. So, 95 degrees! Hot for sure, but wouldn’t you feel better right away? And prouder? Call your local TV station and demand that their meteorologists start using the TrueThermal scale instead of that old Fahrenheit. Do it today!

3) What are we, a nation of softies? I never heard such a lot of whining in my life! So it’s a little hot out. Big deal! John Wayne never let a little hot weather bother him, when he was out there winning the battle of Iwo Jima, and neither should you.